Identity Crisis

[Helikaon]

So, yeah.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a psychotic mental disorder, then roughly 8 years pass, and the very same doctor who told you that diagnosis, one that you once felt and thought explained everything you experienced since the age of 14 and then that doctor tells you he now thinks he made a mistake?

Ever based your entire identity, medication routine, and life around understanding a psychotic disorder, only to finally experience utter psychosis and then report back to your caregivers and then 2 years pass?

Well, I found out what that feels like roughly 10 days ago. FML.

Onwards and upwards, I guess. The Best is Yet to Come, I'm sure.

[Dirty Duck]

It sounds rough for sure but I think the thing to take away is any ways that the period you were diagnosed might have helped you figure out ways to deal with living your life, however small those ways may have been. A diagnosis itself can obviously help but on some level it's just a way to try and name what you're going through and then try and figure it out-maybe now comes some different ways to deal with living your life, and get even closer to fully understanding yourself.

Either way, sorry for the tough news Heli. Hope you're doing alright.

[Helikaon]

It sounds rough for sure but I think the thing to take away is any ways that the period you were diagnosed might have helped you figure out ways to deal with living your life, however small those ways may have been. A diagnosis itself can obviously help but on some level it's just a way to try and name what you're going through and then try and figure it out-maybe now comes some different ways to deal with living your life, and get even closer to fully understanding yourself.

Either way, sorry for the tough news Heli. Hope you're doing alright.

Thanks! I keep telling myself that all the coping strategies will work (and the ones I've learned to give up simply won't), regardless of whatever I discover about my mind in the future, haha.

Just hard not to feel angry given the time I've spent fighting an illness that professionals now say I never even had. I could've spent that time learning how to live with whatever I do have (I've had the words bipolar and adult autism mentioned about me in the last appointment I had with them. Not diagnosed with either yet, but the bipolar part definitely feels more accurate, given my uncontrollable mood swings). 

Being weaned off the medication I was taking for the previous diagnosis does suck, though.

I'm fine, btw; I'd never hurt myself or anyone else. Just a lot going on upstairs at the moment, haha.

[Jassassino]

No experience with any mental health diagnosis in my past, but speaking as somebody who did have a hugely impacting and life rippling diagnosis previously, it definitely helps you define aspects you realise about yourself and how you interpret your actions (both mental and bodily, conscious and subconscious). What is important in these, wether it was a misdiagnosis or not, is that you're still fundamentally you, and you have much, much more to your self than anything medical can ever determine.

Best of luck Heli, sorry for it throwing such a spanner in the works. A second opinion, maybe that of a psychiatrist or counsellor, may really benefit you.

[Helikaon]

No experience with any mental health diagnosis in my past, but speaking as somebody who did have a hugely impacting and life rippling diagnosis previously, it definitely helps you define aspects you realise about yourself and how you interpret your actions (both mental and bodily, conscious and subconscious). What is important in these, wether it was a misdiagnosis or not, is that you're still fundamentally you, and you have much, much more to your self than anything medical can ever determine.

Best of luck Heli, sorry for it throwing such a spanner in the works. A second opinion, maybe that of a psychiatrist or counsellor, may really benefit you.

Thank you! I'm seeing a newly assigned psychiatrist in roughly 18 hours. I think that's why I posted this in the first place, instead of letting the thoughts bounce around my head endlessly while this eternal day torments me by passing as slowly as a snail, haha.

I think I'm due a rewatch/replay of Snake's speech to Raiden at the end of MGS2 soon, haha.

[BigBrother]

Fuck man, big hugs. Didn't have anything nearly as severe as that; but I had an ASD diagnosis just before I turned 30. Had been misdiagnosed as depression and anxiety, and just a sense of "how did everyone fucking miss this? If I'd known about this beforehand so much misery could maybe have been avoided." It wasn't even my GP, I had to ask him repeatedly to send me to a specialist because there was something deeper rooted than the initial diagnosis.

Look after yourself, take it as slowly and gently as you can.

[Helikaon]

Fuck man, big hugs. Didn't have anything nearly as severe as that; but I had an ASD diagnosis just before I turned 30. Had been misdiagnosed as depression and anxiety, and just a sense of "how did everyone fucking miss this? If I'd known about this beforehand so much misery could maybe have been avoided." It wasn't even my GP, I had to ask him repeatedly to send me to a specialist because there was something deeper rooted than the initial diagnosis.

Look after yourself, take it as slowly and gently as you can.

Thank you. I am very much taking things as slowly and with as much compassion as I am capable of! I'm being assessed for AuADHD soon (the wheels of the NHS turn slowly...)

"how did everyone fucking miss this? If I'd known about this beforehand so much misery could maybe have been avoided."

Yep. I just want to understand and trust myself.

[BigBrother]

Fuck man, big hugs. Didn't have anything nearly as severe as that; but I had an ASD diagnosis just before I turned 30. Had been misdiagnosed as depression and anxiety, and just a sense of "how did everyone fucking miss this? If I'd known about this beforehand so much misery could maybe have been avoided." It wasn't even my GP, I had to ask him repeatedly to send me to a specialist because there was something deeper rooted than the initial diagnosis.

Look after yourself, take it as slowly and gently as you can.

Thank you. I am very much taking things as slowly and with as much compassion as I am capable of! I'm being assessed for AuADHD soon (the wheels of the NHS turn slowly...)

"how did everyone fucking miss this? If I'd known about this beforehand so much misery could maybe have been avoided."

Yep. I just want to understand and trust myself.

"The wheels of the NHS turn slowly"

Indeed they do. Indeed they do....I was actually assessed for ADHD first, according to the assessment I wasn't - not entirely sure I trust it as that wasn't even on my radar, sat there kinda confused and quite blase through the assessment period. Hey ho.

But get the sentiment. I really hope you end up with a decent specialist who knows what the hell they're actually doing.

[starschwar]

I'm no medical expert - far from it. But let me say this.

You are yourself. Every human being is wired in their own unique way. Whatever diagnoses, right or wrong, are applied to you - you are still you. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. If you need help in a professional capacity, be it therapy or medication - that is also okay. Do not limit your self worth or your identity to a condition. You are greater than the sum of your parts. Be proud of all the good things about yourself. Do not blame yourself for anything that is beyond your own control. Improve where you think things should and can be. But you must keep being you. Nobody else can.

[Helikaon]

I'm no medical expert - far from it.  But let me say this.

You are yourself.  Every human being is wired in their own unique way.  Whatever diagnoses, right or wrong, are applied to you - you are still you.  Your thoughts and feelings are valid.  If you need help in a professional capacity, be it therapy or medication - that is also okay.  Do not limit your self worth or your identity to a condition.  You are greater than the sum of your parts.  Be proud of all the good things about yourself.  Do not blame yourself for anything that is beyond your own control.  Improve where you think things should and can be. But you must keep being you.  Nobody else can.

Yep. I am the first, last and only of my kind. I just forgot myself and what I wanted when I was young along the way.

Thank you for the kind words. I am already doing much better than when I posted this.