Identity Crisis

[Helikaon]

So, yeah.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a psychotic mental disorder, then roughly 8 years pass, and the very same doctor who told you that diagnosis, one that you once felt and thought explained everything you experienced since the age of 14 and then that doctor tells you he now thinks he made a mistake?

Ever based your entire identity, medication routine, and life around understanding a psychotic disorder, only to finally experience utter psychosis and then report back to your caregivers and then 2 years pass?

Well, I found out what that feels like roughly 10 days ago. FML.

Onwards and upwards, I guess. The Best is Yet to Come, I'm sure.

[Dirty Duck]

It sounds rough for sure but I think the thing to take away is any ways that the period you were diagnosed might have helped you figure out ways to deal with living your life, however small those ways may have been. A diagnosis itself can obviously help but on some level it's just a way to try and name what you're going through and then try and figure it out-maybe now comes some different ways to deal with living your life, and get even closer to fully understanding yourself.

Either way, sorry for the tough news Heli. Hope you're doing alright.

[Helikaon]

It sounds rough for sure but I think the thing to take away is any ways that the period you were diagnosed might have helped you figure out ways to deal with living your life, however small those ways may have been. A diagnosis itself can obviously help but on some level it's just a way to try and name what you're going through and then try and figure it out-maybe now comes some different ways to deal with living your life, and get even closer to fully understanding yourself.

Either way, sorry for the tough news Heli. Hope you're doing alright.

Thanks! I keep telling myself that all the coping strategies will work (and the ones I've learned to give up simply won't), regardless of whatever I discover about my mind in the future, haha.

Just hard not to feel angry given the time I've spent fighting an illness that professionals now say I never even had. I could've spent that time learning how to live with whatever I do have (I've had the words bipolar and adult autism mentioned about me in the last appointment I had with them. Not diagnosed with either yet, but the bipolar part definitely feels more accurate, given my uncontrollable mood swings). 

Being weaned off the medication I was taking for the previous diagnosis does suck, though.

I'm fine, btw; I'd never hurt myself or anyone else. Just a lot going on upstairs at the moment, haha.

[Jassassino]

No experience with any mental health diagnosis in my past, but speaking as somebody who did have a hugely impacting and life rippling diagnosis previously, it definitely helps you define aspects you realise about yourself and how you interpret your actions (both mental and bodily, conscious and subconscious). What is important in these, wether it was a misdiagnosis or not, is that you're still fundamentally you, and you have much, much more to your self than anything medical can ever determine.

Best of luck Heli, sorry for it throwing such a spanner in the works. A second opinion, maybe that of a psychiatrist or counsellor, may really benefit you.

[Helikaon]

No experience with any mental health diagnosis in my past, but speaking as somebody who did have a hugely impacting and life rippling diagnosis previously, it definitely helps you define aspects you realise about yourself and how you interpret your actions (both mental and bodily, conscious and subconscious). What is important in these, wether it was a misdiagnosis or not, is that you're still fundamentally you, and you have much, much more to your self than anything medical can ever determine.

Best of luck Heli, sorry for it throwing such a spanner in the works. A second opinion, maybe that of a psychiatrist or counsellor, may really benefit you.

Thank you! I'm seeing a newly assigned psychiatrist in roughly 18 hours. I think that's why I posted this in the first place, instead of letting the thoughts bounce around my head endlessly while this eternal day torments me by passing as slowly as a snail, haha.

I think I'm due a rewatch/replay of Snake's speech to Raiden at the end of MGS2 soon, haha.