Organization Chat

[Dirty Duck]

Okay I didn't want page 100 to see this but at approximately 19:05 I had one of my worst train shitting experiences ever. I'm going to spoiler in case you're not in the place or headspace to let morbid curiosity get the better of you.

tw shit n piss:

I get on the train at Chester heading to Crewe. I've needed a toilet since the previous train in my journey but I thought I'd wait until this one for whatever reason. It's a Transport for Wales train. I've shat on many trains in my time (never out of a strong desire to do so) but have no memory of this happening before: I sat down at a pretty normal position on the loo, and to my displeasure my penis touched the bowl. It's cold out so I'm as flaccid as is humanly possible and I don't have an abnormally sized penis or anything-this shouldn't be happening. I'm grossed out but I'm like, "okay, I guess I chose wrong on the optimal sitting position" and move back a bit. That would have been the end of it. I'd have just moved on. Except when I start shitting I find that there is nowhere for it to go. It is immediately pressed against the back of the bowl still connected to its point of origin. I'm like, "fuck! Wrong distance on the seat, AGAIN!" And move forward...but then my dick is pressing the bowl again! I'm trying to think fast because the shit has to come so I hold my own penis out of the toilet bowl like a mother cat that grabs its misbehaving kitten by the scruff of its neck. All seems fine for a second, besides the absurdity of holding my dick to have a shit. The important thing is my penis is liberated from the icy touch of the metal bowl. My shit has ample room to do its thing. But the whole lurid affair had left me like a deer in headlights. The shit wasn't coming. I took a look at the mental dashboard and weighed up how much I felt I needed a piss..."Not at all!" I thought-and so I strained.

WRONG

Piss started to flow but before too much of it could go anywhere I skidded backwards-in more ways than one. The shit started to flow again, too far back. I once again thought fast and assumed a style of shitting I was exposed to in China...I stood up slightly. Strangely, just before going to the toilet I had thought to myself: isn't it strange how here we find the squatting weird and unhygienic, but many Chinese find the ass-to-seat method the unhygienic choice? In the present: I finished what I had set out to do. Thankfully, despite my ordeal, the seat came out of it better than many I see out in the wild. The bowl not so much. I was glad to have chanced upon one of the few well stocked train toilets because I then spent an embarrassingly long amount of time wiping myself and returning the toilet to a state I'd want to find it in. There was someone waiting outside and the ticket person also clearly thought I was fare dodging. I will not be fielding any questions. I appreciate your understanding at this time.