Late night feelings

[st3ve]

I've been making an attempt to make new friendships and renew old ones recently, because I've withdrawn a bit over the past few years. I realised about 4-5 years ago that I've been percieved as a bit strange by others, I mean, I always knew I was a little different, but it had never clicked for me just how different a lot of people thought I was. A lot of what I thought were genuine friendships turned out to be just people using me as something to mock. I began to notice the sarcasm in the tone of people when they spoke to me, and that really began to fuck with me. So I just withdrew from as much social interaction as I could. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't left entirely without friends. I've always had a group of close friends that I know genuinely think of me as a friend. However, I certainly have less of a social life, even if I didn't fully understand the nature of a lot of my interactions back then. I decided a few months ago that I can't let my previous experience impact me any longer. I've started getting fitter, and pursuing my hobbies again.  I've definitely started to notice the positive impact more social interaction has on my wellbeing. I don't think I'm ever going to fully put aside the residual suspicion I have from my past experiences, but I think I'm getting to a place where I can be confident that most of my conversations with others are genuine.