(17-09-2025, 07:40 PM)tr0nic Wrote: I'm going to relay a series of experiences I had that somewhat relate to this recent discussion. A few years ago, over a period of like 2-3 months, I experienced what I refer to as "The Bat Saga":

First Bat Experience:
My bedroom used to be in the attic of my parents' house. The previous owners had redone it and it was decently spacious and livable. It has a main room, a smaller office space, and a storage space. It also gets ungodly hot up there in the summer, so I've got the window in the office open all summer-long naturally. Anyways, I guess to an average bat, their echolocation makes them think it's a high up cave of some sort. 

So I'm sitting there one night playing GTA or whatever, and suddenly I've got a void-black thing zooming around like 15cm above my fucking head. I start screaming and hit the deck. I literally curl up with my hands over my head, looking up every few seconds. I look up one last time, and the bat is gone. I think I'm in the clear. I go back to whatever I was doing. I look into the main room from the office, and the bat is fucking flying around in there now. I look up what to do, if I need to call animal control, etc. Some people on Reddit say that you can easily scoop a bat by whacking it with something soft/light to stun it while not injuring it. Eventually the bat settles in the storage space, hanging on the insulation. I have a plastic storage container cover that I very lightly whack it with and scoop the little guy into a bowl. He was very cute and I'm glad I didn't hurt him at all, tossed him out the window and he flew off no problem.

Second Bat Experience:
Cut to about a month later, one Saturday night I am hanging out with my best friend/practically brother, Lucas. Lucas is not good with animals of any kind. Never raised around them, was wary of my dog when I first got him in high school, convinced he totally hated cats until I got Marky & Donnie a couple years ago. He really likes cats and dogs now but would never have one himself. Another important thing to note about Lucas is that he is basically a fucking space marine. He's 5'7" yet built like a refrigerator, played football from age 7 all the way to high school and has been lifting since he was like 12. He looks like Lenny Kravitz if he joined a prison gang. All this to say, at the drop of a hat, Lucas can go from 0 to 100.

So we're there in the office space again, totally twisted. Stoned out of our minds, about a Four Loko deep each, just vibing. The bat flies in again. I'm going to try to describe as best I can the scene that unfolded:

Lucas is on the ground, screaming his head off--far louder--than I was the first time I encountered the bat. Quickly he gets up and goes to run out of the room, only to almost smack into the bat. He's just flailing around the office space, screeching like a banshee. I am standing at my desk, arms in the air, yelling "BE NOT AFRAID, LUCAS!! I KNOW WHAT TO DO!" over and over again. This goes on for an excruciatingly long 30-45 seconds or so. The bat enters the main room, and then the storage space again. In our crossfaded stupor, I told him what to do, and we armored ourselves for some reason?? I had this prop UN peacekeeper helmet and an old plastic liner for an M1 Army helmet that we put on, along with a couple of my leather jackets and winter gloves. So now, imagine a very jacked Lenny Kravitz in a UN blue helmet, wearing a Mad Max Perfecto jacket, holding the plastic lid to a storage container as a weapon.

Bat is in the same spot as last time. I tell Lucas what to do with the plastic lid. I tell him, you just need to knock him to the ground lightly and I'll scoop him, real easy. He goes fucking nuclear and starts whacking at the bat as hard as he possibly can. Luckily, the bat was kind of in a divot of the insulation and it did take like 3 whacks to get him to the ground. I scoop the bat, he's got those big cute bat eyes looking up at me through the plastic bowl, and I'm like "fuck Lucas probably just crippled this bat". But I toss him, he flies off just fine again. Lucas and I get more shmacked to unwind from our tour of duty in the Bat War, smoking cigarettes like we just survived our first long range patrol through Viet Cong territory.

Third and Final Bat Experience: 
Cut to another month later. Broad daylight this time. I am not having a very good day. I had just been dumped for like the third time by this horrible girlfriend I had at the time, just got back from my shit job working retail at H&M, just not in a good mood. Well, at that moment, I found out that Lucas had not in fact crippled the bat, because the thing flies right the fuck in again and starts zooming around my head. I drop to the ground, and just start screaming "NOT AGAIN!! NOT AGAIN!!" and this time the little bastard flies right back out, clearly also not wanting to deal with this shit again.


Thus concludes "The Bat Saga". I hope it was mildly entertaining.

(19-09-2025, 09:58 AM)Dirty Duck Wrote:

(17-09-2025, 07:40 PM)tr0nic Wrote: I'm going to relay a series of experiences I had that somewhat relate to this recent discussion. A few years ago, over a period of like 2-3 months, I experienced what I refer to as "The Bat Saga":

First Bat Experience:
My bedroom used to be in the attic of my parents' house. The previous owners had redone it and it was decently spacious and livable. It has a main room, a smaller office space, and a storage space. It also gets ungodly hot up there in the summer, so I've got the window in the office open all summer-long naturally. Anyways, I guess to an average bat, their echolocation makes them think it's a high up cave of some sort. 

So I'm sitting there one night playing GTA or whatever, and suddenly I've got a void-black thing zooming around like 15cm above my fucking head. I start screaming and hit the deck. I literally curl up with my hands over my head, looking up every few seconds. I look up one last time, and the bat is gone. I think I'm in the clear. I go back to whatever I was doing. I look into the main room from the office, and the bat is fucking flying around in there now. I look up what to do, if I need to call animal control, etc. Some people on Reddit say that you can easily scoop a bat by whacking it with something soft/light to stun it while not injuring it. Eventually the bat settles in the storage space, hanging on the insulation. I have a plastic storage container cover that I very lightly whack it with and scoop the little guy into a bowl. He was very cute and I'm glad I didn't hurt him at all, tossed him out the window and he flew off no problem.

Second Bat Experience:
Cut to about a month later, one Saturday night I am hanging out with my best friend/practically brother, Lucas. Lucas is not good with animals of any kind. Never raised around them, was wary of my dog when I first got him in high school, convinced he totally hated cats until I got Marky & Donnie a couple years ago. He really likes cats and dogs now but would never have one himself. Another important thing to note about Lucas is that he is basically a fucking space marine. He's 5'7" yet built like a refrigerator, played football from age 7 all the way to high school and has been lifting since he was like 12. He looks like Lenny Kravitz if he joined a prison gang. All this to say, at the drop of a hat, Lucas can go from 0 to 100.

So we're there in the office space again, totally twisted. Stoned out of our minds, about a Four Loko deep each, just vibing. The bat flies in again. I'm going to try to describe as best I can the scene that unfolded:

Lucas is on the ground, screaming his head off--far louder--than I was the first time I encountered the bat. Quickly he gets up and goes to run out of the room, only to almost smack into the bat. He's just flailing around the office space, screeching like a banshee. I am standing at my desk, arms in the air, yelling "BE NOT AFRAID, LUCAS!! I KNOW WHAT TO DO!" over and over again. This goes on for an excruciatingly long 30-45 seconds or so. The bat enters the main room, and then the storage space again. In our crossfaded stupor, I told him what to do, and we armored ourselves for some reason?? I had this prop UN peacekeeper helmet and an old plastic liner for an M1 Army helmet that we put on, along with a couple of my leather jackets and winter gloves. So now, imagine a very jacked Lenny Kravitz in a UN blue helmet, wearing a Mad Max Perfecto jacket, holding the plastic lid to a storage container as a weapon.

Bat is in the same spot as last time. I tell Lucas what to do with the plastic lid. I tell him, you just need to knock him to the ground lightly and I'll scoop him, real easy. He goes fucking nuclear and starts whacking at the bat as hard as he possibly can. Luckily, the bat was kind of in a divot of the insulation and it did take like 3 whacks to get him to the ground. I scoop the bat, he's got those big cute bat eyes looking up at me through the plastic bowl, and I'm like "fuck Lucas probably just crippled this bat". But I toss him, he flies off just fine again. Lucas and I get more shmacked to unwind from our tour of duty in the Bat War, smoking cigarettes like we just survived our first long range patrol through Viet Cong territory.

Third and Final Bat Experience: 
Cut to another month later. Broad daylight this time. I am not having a very good day. I had just been dumped for like the third time by this horrible girlfriend I had at the time, just got back from my shit job working retail at H&M, just not in a good mood. Well, at that moment, I found out that Lucas had not in fact crippled the bat, because the thing flies right the fuck in again and starts zooming around my head. I drop to the ground, and just start screaming "NOT AGAIN!! NOT AGAIN!!" and this time the little bastard flies right back out, clearly also not wanting to deal with this shit again.


Thus concludes "The Bat Saga". I hope it was mildly entertaining.

tr0n's life every month for some reason: